Summer!!!!

Now that you're free, watch out for CARS! And minivans. Especially the blue ones. Unless you own one, they’re evil. They’re dangerous. They come out of nowhere and make U-turns into your crosswalk, directly striking your left zygomatic bone, patella and thigh when you least expect it. But if you do own one (a van, not broken zygomatic bone), I'm not posting here for condemnation's sake. On the contrary, I genuinely believe ownership of such a frightfully intimidating vehicle automatically eliminates all possible likeliness you may get run over or hit by one. What are the chances?

Blue minivans are as loyal and committed to their operators as Veda Bee is to me, or how plague sticks to your teeth if you stop brushing. I mean, do you ever see a mother bird eat their own young? I don’t think so. And that’s exactly why they try to clear off everyone and everything else corrupting their roadways and paths. Swipe! Loyal and committed. Now before you run off to invest in a blue mini-mean mobile with your college savings and week's allowance, let me just say that during the endless hours of recovery and painkillers, I had much time to come up with an elaborate list of environmentally-sound transportation alternatives for the next time you want to go somewhere but too scared of those cleverly crafted, face-altering, and bruise-thirsting metal machines.

Happy Summer and BE SAFE!

Miss Lou

Never Trust Drivers

Be weary when crossing the street!

As cautious as I think I am, I was one of the unfortunate fortunates yesterday while attempting to save the environment by taking public transportation.

This is how it went... 

Me: No! Stop! I want to live!
Old Russian Man: я ничего не вижу.
Me: NOoooo! (CRUNCH!)

Or at least that's what I remember before I was Velcro'd on a wobbly board and rushed to the trauma room at the nearby hospital.

Through CAT scans, I remembered more: Me, halfway across the sidewalk, almost to the other side, a minivan drove right into my left cheek, smashing into my left side like I was some urban Chinese deer.. (you're probably thinking, aren't those suckers extincted?)

Anyhow, helpful neighbors, rushing ambulances, masculine cops and nosy passerbyers crowded along the Big Avenue to witness the scene like a party. Those who helped were very dear and helpful (thank you and bless you, strangers!) and those who watched, watched with dear curiosity (thank you and bless you for your dedicated passion, rubberneckers!)

But thanks to educated doctors, kind nurses, technology and fabulous friends and amazing doctor friends, I'm ALIVE! Just between you and me, there was a car crash. The others will get the boxing championship version.

So, please my dear 401'rs...LOOK all FOUR WAYS when crossing the street:

Front, back side to side (x8) before walking!

May 14, 2010

So as you may have noticed, I don't post about my personal life here, but I suppose this is something to share. As much of you know, I left FP for graduate school on the opposite coast.

Can you guess what happened last weekend?

What a surprise!!

So nice to have some of you back, visiting little ole' me. Despite all of us ditching Forest Park for elsewhere, we can still manage to stay together in this crazy virtual space. Welcome back! And visit soon...

Who's got new news to share? Pichufreak? Thoughtful person? Jcw? Daniel? Hello?

As for me, things are looking up. Well, minus the bad luck I got in my fortune cookie that said, "Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done." I mean, those funny looking wafer cookies shouldn't even exist! Not in China...not in the U.S.A....Mean! Mean! Mean!

But looks like good luck has found me.

Yum!

(Hi Mr. "Shing!" I see you!")

Prison

Who here sometimes feel they are trapped behind bars? Tortured into doing too much work for little to no pay? Silenced from speaking up by rules, teachers, parents and Principals, limited from playing endless hours of video games, chatting with friends...owning a cellphone and controlled by lectures, nagging and bells and more bells. Those dang annoying endless bells! URGHHH!

That is...until the freedom of the last one of the day rings, preferably on a Friday of a long weekend.

So close, yet so far away.

Good luck and enjoy the last few miles!

Star Struck & Stalker'ing

Many of you may yawn, but I get very excited when I run into (not literally but maybe), local authors like Lois Lowry, David Macaulay, Mordicai Gerstein, Jane Yolen, Dr. Seuss to name a few. Call me a nerd, a dork, a stud muffin...I don't care. But that gets me excited and motivated to read and write and stalk behind bookshelves and more (with our without my Sidekick). Some people get Star Struck when they see famous people: tongue freezes, dry mouth, hives, cold sweats and bug eyes.

But no way, not I. When I see someone I envy and admire (whether I followed them all the way home from the supermarket or not), I approach them slowly at first, punch them hard on the shoulder or slap them on the back (or fanny) like we're BFFs and find some uncommon ground, on any topic and violently disagree until they get really PO'd and leave. Why? This way, I can always be sure they remember me. Maybe not in a good way, but any strong impression is a good one, right? I'm trying to perfect this craft, so they'll stop filing restraining orders - or worse, stalk me back. I hate that.

So name a few of your favs. Artists, musicians, actors, performers, writers, bloggers, teachers...

Who crowds your brain space and daydreams? Do you get Star struck, torture them until they want to run you over with a truck, or do you have way better luck?

Comment your favs! And maybe some advice.

Note: Okay, maybe not running into the dear deceased Theodor Geisel so much nowadays, but once a stud muffin, always a stud muffin and I'm sticking to it.

A Smart Guide to Middle School

So what's eating you these days? Besides too much homework, mean teachers, rigorous practice and friendship troubles? Is middle school awesome and you can't believe there's only 2-3 years of it? Or do you want to change your style, your name, or your friends so you can fit in? Are you making new friends, branching out, or just happy to keep the old? Are you getting zits? Chatting like mad?

What's going on in that junk-food crazed, angst-filled (insert grade here) grader? I hate that I don't get to see you everyday anymore. I hate that you never pop into my classroom to bug me during the limited few minutes to break from your exhausting energy. I miss screaming at you for not doing work.

Fill me in, dude(tte)s. What's up with my class?

I'll be waiting...

Smart Guide to Middle School

1) Do your work. (Sorry, no way to avoid it. Just get it done. Get adult people off your back.)
2) Talk back with your abilities. (art, writing, music, athletic abilities)
3) Write notes to your friends (and to your teachers, and parents - include them with updates to avoid future questioning to get them off your back)
4) Nod. Lots of nodding.
5) Read. Read lots. On anything.

Veda Bee Turns 5!

Now that she's officially a big kid, Veda Bee:


*can wear Big Kid clothes...

*can travel from coast to coast to visit friends and family...

*can sport a funky moustache and look superfly...

*can find the best bargains and freshest produce...

*can sleep all day and STILL feel tired...

*can hide from anyone...

*knows how to enjoy life in simple ways...

Oh, her talents are endless...I've lost count.

Happy 5th birthday, Veda Bee!

Test Your Geography!

When I'm craving a trip to faraway lands or when I'm wanting to leave behind all the responsibilities of life (endless chores, homework, projects, reports, papers, exams, traffic lights, alien landings), I escape by surfing the sites to uncover the ever-growing mysteries of this diverse world and test my knowledge of geography. (I love maps!)

Why do I torture myself in this manner? Well,...I do it for two reasons:

a) So I can grow despite feeling like my brain is decaying,

b) Just in case the Internet will magically transport me to some exotic place while clicking away: (like sloth-watching on deserted black sand beaches, hunting for sugar cane through primary rain forests, paying pennies for savory sweet street foods and collecting picturesque portraits of dancing mini-monkeys, dirt-faced children and wrinkly-faced grannies.)


Sigh. Where's the next adventure? Where to go? More importantly,...do you wanna come?

I suppose I can settle on this for now...Geography Trivia and Challenges! But don't worry, kiddies...it's already March! Only 3 more months until summer! Where do you plan to go? Travels? School? Test out your world knowledge. And who knows? These may just pop up on a quiz some time. Enjoy!

-Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! But Try Again Game

-Annoyingly Smart Childish Squirrel Game

-And You Say You're Asian?!

-Be Won with the Middle East


Miss you all as the days are getting brighter. I'm proud of you, 401!

Keep up the hard work!

Yum! What's this?

1. Can anyone guess what this special steamed goodness is called?
2. If so, what ingredients goes into making these?
3. Where is its place of origin?
4. What are you supposed to eat this with?
5. When do you eat these funny fruit look-alikes?
6. Have you tried these? If so, where have you eaten these and what do they taste like?
7. Who made this one?
8. Where was it made?

Oh, so many questions to fill and yet my stomach is STILL empty.

Grrrr.

Eat Right!

Here is a photo of Veda Bee strolling through Chinatown for some good grubbin' and healthy choice ingredients for dinner tonight. Before you go out for snacks,

1. First, reach under the sofa cushions. Avoid the Cheetos crumbs and bobby pins. 

2. Find a few pennies and nickles unless you're lucky enough to strike rich with a few of those silvers at the highest hierarchy of the coin family. 

3. Put on your bike helmet, knee pads and snowboarding gloves (just for effect) and head to your nearest grocer. Watch out for cars and potholes! 

If you're craving something a bit more sustainable, then skip the candy bars and year-old Twinkies. Surely, your coins will afford you some healthy fruits, vegetables and prepared foods, so think again before you head straight toward the processed food aisle. 

Apples give are the greatest option for good ole' fashioned fresh and juicy crunchiness. It's conveniently packaged with its own natural air-tight (and edible) encasing to maintain goodness. It's ready to eat! Not to mention, you have an array of bright natural colors to choose: red, green, yellow. Packed with nutrients and sugar, non-synthetic fake powder, chemicals and enhancers, you feel like you're getting the right nutrition to hit the spot. What more can you ask for in a snack? 

Skip the post meal stomach cramps, dehydration and pounding headaches. Those are signs that your body is warning you that it's unable to recognize those machine-made non-food ingredients. Don't worry about bad breath and dry mouth. Friends will flock to your side and ask for a bite...

Avoid it all by paying a few pennies more for a banana, a raw broccoli crown, a few granola bars or a handful of almonds. Maybe even a bowl of wholegrain oatmeal would be a wiser choice...

Happy eating!

Salute Your Toilet

Here's some fun trivia to marinate with...oh, my choice of words.

The next time you visit the bathroom, take a good luck at the toilet. (Not in it, silly. I said, AT it. But if you do both, I suggest you flush first.) Do you think about how it works? It may not look like much, but thanks to Alexander Cummings - the inventor of the modern toilet flush, it's an engineering marvel! Then again, Prague would still be in shambles had there been toilets in the 1600's.

This is an honest to G, true story:

"The year is 1618, the place, Bohemia. An angry mob of Protestant rebels is marching through the streets of Prague." (If you don't know where this country is on the map, LOOK IT UP!) Armed and dangerous, they cross the courtyard of Prague's main castle and storm up the stairs of the tower, where four Catholic ministers, councilors to the kind, are discussing the crisis. The mob crams into the small room. The terrified ministers flatten themselves against the wall, begging to be allowed to leave. Two of them are released. The other two remain, along with their servant.

Then someone in the crow has an idea. "Throw them out the window!" he yells.

The mob cheers with enthusiastic agreement. One at a time, the ministers are hauled to the sill and shoved out the window, fifty feet above the ground, followed by their unlucky servant.

This event, which became known as the Defenestration of Prague, was an open act of defiance against the king. It marked the beginning of the bloody and pointless Thirty Year's War, during which quite a few noblemen and thousands and thousands of peasants died. By the end of the war, no one actually remembered why they had been fighting in the first place, and things returned more or less to the way they had been before.

But here's the part most textbooks leave out. Those councilors and their servant did NOT die from the fall. All three of them survived. Why?

Because they landed in a huge pile of...yes, you guessed it. Poop. It was heaped beneath the tower window. We're not talking about pigeon droppings here, or even one deposit from a passing horse. Imagine a sizable mound it would have been in order to cushion a fifty-foot fall.

Now, wouldn't you like to know what the poop was doing here?"

Wise Words of the Week: Poop matters!
___________
Albee, Sarah. Poop Happened: A History of the World From the Bottom Up. NY: Walker Books for Young Readers, 2010.

Birthday Boy!

A BIG GIANT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO...DANIEL M!!! Hope you had a fantastic celebration turning...12? 13? 19? 49?

And yet, I have not aged at all....how is that possible?


Yum. I like cake.

Carolyn (age 6) made birthday hats for you...these are her plans for her birthday party.

I'm not DEAD.

 In fact, I'm very much alive on this side of the country. I know, I know....I haven't written. (Thanks Jordan for the nudge and the kick in the shin. Ouchy.)

As it turns out, the east coast winters can be very mild. Can you believe it? The half-inch of snow that was left on the sidewalks have now dissolved and melted into tiny scatters of salt crystals after a long rainfall yesterday. The temperature is mildly in the 40's and I've put away my giant, puffy marshmallow-flavored down ski jacket. At least for now. You're probably thinking, "Why the heck is this crazy woman updating me on the stinkin' climate like a weather woman? Has Miss Lou gone completely mad? I know she must be losing it with all that marshmallow talk."

Though that may be all the cases, I'm maybe trying to distract you or make up a dumb excuse for not keeping this blog up to date. (Besides the fact that my dog ate my laptop. Really, she did. Okay. I know. It's not nice to blame my dog. Again. But wouldn't that be a sight to see? Rectangular shaped belly. Hee, hee. Ho, ho.)

Oh wait...Come back! Don't go! I've just been...daydreaming, okay? I've been...mesmerized by the winter sun and frolicking about outdoors with Veda Bee and friends and ice cream and spying on my neighbors. Okay? You happy now?! NO RECESS FOR ME!!!!

So basically, I'm sorry. I'll try to be better. Promise. But I'm back now. And I'm not dead. Or in prison.

A few weekends ago, I had the fabulous fortunate experience of attending the annual ALA conference held here in my very own city. It took place in this massive, airport-wannabe building with long carpeted hallways, over-sized paintings and most importantly, a Dunkin' Donuts. The talks and events were spread out on several floors, but the important part was in this giant warehouse. (From the floors above, you can get a bird's eye view of the entire floor space. Don't worry, the windows rid any temptation to spit...darn it.) Had it been an airport, the warehouse would probably be the room where the planes would sleep. That's what I was thinking when spitting didn't work. More on airplanes later...

ALA = American Library Association

It may sound like a big snooze fest to you, but with a wee $25, the fancy badge allows you to enter the warehouse thing to meet, greet and drool over famous authors (like Andrew Clements!), shake hands with agents, editors and publishers (like Arthur Levine, who published all the Harry Potter books!) and touch not-yet-published books for 2010. The best, bester, bestest part of the entire event is being able to slip free books into your free totebags...yes, FREE!

Just imagine going to the Scholastic Book Fair at Forest Park. Just imagine Mrs. Gifford handing you a giant canvas tote bag (instead of making you take off your backpacks and big thieving jackets) before entering. Just imagine her saying to you (very kindly), "Take whatever you want, kids. Stop by the refreshment table for some candy, stickers, posters and pens. And don't forget to  shake hands with your favorite author. He's signing books before the exit. Oh, yes. Of course you can have another tote bag. And here, have a free magic elf to carry your bags, do your chores and rub your tired feet." Oh wait.

But yes, the ALA event was so definitely MY idea of Christmas.

What? Who says I'm a nerd?! Not me.

Take care, read lots and write me soon!

Missing you all,
Missing Lou

(You happy now, J? Geesh.)

6 days in...359 to go!

Me: Wake up, Veda Bee! [Zipping up fleece and lacing up running shoes.] You're wasting away these precious days...only 359 days left before 2011.

What goals and transformations do you  have for this year?

VB: Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm sleeping?! [Rolling eyes. Closing eyes.]

Me: Hurry! Hurry! [Jogging in place.] Let's go! We have places to see! People to save! Things to check off! Calories to burn! Trees to plant! Animals to sniff! Money to earn...

VB: Ma...[Yawning loudly.] We have 359 days to think about all that stuff. Your coffee caffeine is really annoying.

[Stretching with butt in air.] Can't you just relax? I need a nap. [Returning to warm spot on bed.]

Me: Nap?! But you haven't even gotten up yet! [Pulling back covers.]

VB: So?

Me: But...

VB: I'm serious, Ma. Give me back my blanket. [Tug-o-war with teeth.] You know I'm not a morning person.

Me: Veda! It's 2010! You've been sleeping since New Year's Eve. I've been up since then...6 days and 6 hours...and counting...

VB: And for what? Working, running, working...blah, blah. Yawn.

Me: I've written 17 novels, watered the garden (and every garden in this city), paid taxes (for the next 3 years), had breakfast, met with the Pope, saved the world and found a gene to cure 67 different types of cancers. And I did this all while you were still sleeping.

VB: Breakfast? Breakfast?! You said breakfast! [Tail wagging, butt wiggling, tongue salivating...] Food glorious food...[Opening mouth and closing eyes.] Feed me, Mama!

Me: Ugh. [Heading to kitchen.]

New New Year's Resolution!

If only we can be as content as Veda Bee, we wouldn't have to write these silly lists year after year. But then again, there are too many things to do, places to visit and goals to accomplish outside of eating, drinking, pooping, peeping, sleeping and playing, ... wait ... hmm ... perhaps the animals have it all right. IS there more to life than all the 6 verbs listed above? Maybe I'd rather be a dog. Zzz... isn't she oh so cute!

Oh no, no...I'm certainly glad I am what I am when (during those rare occasions) I challenge myself, and then work hard at it, and then finally reach it. (Hey! Cleaning belly button lint doesn't count. ew) I almost never pity my role as human when looking forward to a special holiday, or vacation, or getting a good grade on a paper, or finishing a race, or making a new friend, or facing a giant ice cream sundae (mmmmouth watering, rich creamy goodness) ... oh, I love that moment right before my first bite when the heavenly angels hummmmm ... (Stay on topic, Miss Lou! Grumble, grumble). No way, I wouldn't trade my life for all the naps and tofu jerky treats in the world.

But most of all, I appreciate all those other human forms I've met along the way of my teaching years and crazy traveling adventures - including you (and with no sniffing required!)

Here are some helpful hints for another fantabulously, productive New Year:

1. Make a new year's resolution. (Stick to it.)
2. Drink lots of water. (Soda doesn't count.)
3. Run - rain, sleek, snow (ugh), or shine.
4. Write at least a page a day. (Not repeating the same word over and over.)
5. Read a book a week. (Not just the ones my teacher assigns.)
6. Eat healthy. (Marshmallows and Twinkies not included. Darn.)
7. Play less video games. (Especially when I'm procrastinating.)
8. Stress less. (Especially when I wait until the last minute to do something.)
9. Eat more ice cream. (Be generous with the rainbow sprinkles.)
10. Hang out with my friends. (And maybe try something charitable with them.)
11. Don't fall asleep during movies. (Especially when I'm hanging out with my friends.)
12. Do all my homework everyday. (Okay, at least 3x a week. Or when I feeeel like it.)
13. Stop procrastinating. (Clean out my mom's gross kitchen pantry. CHECK! Double ew.)

14. Watch less television and less frivolous YouTube videos. (And less video games, unless it's Wii. Or unless it's really, really funny. Unless I feel like it.)
15. Eat more fruits and vegetables. (See #9)
16. Tell the truth. Stop stealing my brother's things. (And that includes my friend's snacks.)
17. Make at least 5 new friends. Be kind to my friends. (No more "Your mama" jokes.)
19. Appreciate my life, health and all that I have regardless how much I want to complain.
20. Stick to my new year's resolution.

Now your turn. What will you change about yourself this year besides your height and hair color?

More stress? Less stress? Nicer? Adopt a dog? Join a volunteer group? Go to church? Read more? Write your memoir? Reach to the next level for your games? Learn a new language? What?! What?! Look farther...what is it that you WANT or look forward to in life?

My goal: Grow 5 inches, run a marathon (or think about it without dying) and...graduate!

Happy 2010!

Merry Holidays, 401!

Now THIS is something to be drooling over. But perhaps some of you would much rather hang out inside that Port-a-Potty from my last post? And since that's a live, actual-sized person walking in the background, it's HUGE. No, the gingerbread house,...not me. (But after a few holiday weeks, things may change.) This brilliant architectural madness is made with real cookies, Lifesavers, candy-coated candies, sugary gum drops, pastel-colored, floral-scented wafers, candy canes, frosting, ginger bread, and blah blah. There's enough room for our whole class to fit inside, I swear. My dentist is going to f-r-e-a-k.

Anyone stop at this place to gawk at other silly Americans, take family portraits, eat bad food, and buy unnecessary gadgets and gizmos of plenty? What you all doing now?! I miss you all! Stop by!

Merry Christmas, happy holidays and New Year and all that good stuffings. Mmmmm...yummm.

Stuffing.

Finally!

The proud City of (insert temporary name here) has installed what has been missing all this time. Perhaps my temporary place can now be called HOME forever. But honestly, who even needs a real house when you can have this to snuggle up in? What more clever things can they possible think of now? Great job (temporary name)! Absolutely brilliant. Jealous anyone?

A true meaning of the phrase home sweet home!

Miss Lou had a Thanksgiving Adventure

First it snowed, then we lost power and water, so we boiled snow for coffee and bucket showers.

Talk about a fabulous holiday!

Guess where Miss Lou spent her Thanksgiving week?

(Hey! No researching necessary!)

1. One of my favorite authors works in this state.

2. The name of its capital city is also a city in France.

3. This city is best known for their cheese.

4. The author writes for both children and adults.

5. The capital has 10 letters

6. It makes award-winning cheddar.

7. The name of the state comes from the French words "green mountain."

8. You better get it by now without Googling.

9. Monarch butterflies are native to this state.

10. The first log schoolhouse in this city stood at the foot of Shepard Hill.

11. Okay, enough hints already!

12. Time to guess!

Now, your turn.

Mr. Pumpkin wonders...

What's up, people?! What did you do for Thanksgiving?