Salute Your Toilet

Here's some fun trivia to marinate with...oh, my choice of words.

The next time you visit the bathroom, take a good luck at the toilet. (Not in it, silly. I said, AT it. But if you do both, I suggest you flush first.) Do you think about how it works? It may not look like much, but thanks to Alexander Cummings - the inventor of the modern toilet flush, it's an engineering marvel! Then again, Prague would still be in shambles had there been toilets in the 1600's.

This is an honest to G, true story:

"The year is 1618, the place, Bohemia. An angry mob of Protestant rebels is marching through the streets of Prague." (If you don't know where this country is on the map, LOOK IT UP!) Armed and dangerous, they cross the courtyard of Prague's main castle and storm up the stairs of the tower, where four Catholic ministers, councilors to the kind, are discussing the crisis. The mob crams into the small room. The terrified ministers flatten themselves against the wall, begging to be allowed to leave. Two of them are released. The other two remain, along with their servant.

Then someone in the crow has an idea. "Throw them out the window!" he yells.

The mob cheers with enthusiastic agreement. One at a time, the ministers are hauled to the sill and shoved out the window, fifty feet above the ground, followed by their unlucky servant.

This event, which became known as the Defenestration of Prague, was an open act of defiance against the king. It marked the beginning of the bloody and pointless Thirty Year's War, during which quite a few noblemen and thousands and thousands of peasants died. By the end of the war, no one actually remembered why they had been fighting in the first place, and things returned more or less to the way they had been before.

But here's the part most textbooks leave out. Those councilors and their servant did NOT die from the fall. All three of them survived. Why?

Because they landed in a huge pile of...yes, you guessed it. Poop. It was heaped beneath the tower window. We're not talking about pigeon droppings here, or even one deposit from a passing horse. Imagine a sizable mound it would have been in order to cushion a fifty-foot fall.

Now, wouldn't you like to know what the poop was doing here?"

Wise Words of the Week: Poop matters!
___________
Albee, Sarah. Poop Happened: A History of the World From the Bottom Up. NY: Walker Books for Young Readers, 2010.

Birthday Boy!

A BIG GIANT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO...DANIEL M!!! Hope you had a fantastic celebration turning...12? 13? 19? 49?

And yet, I have not aged at all....how is that possible?


Yum. I like cake.

Carolyn (age 6) made birthday hats for you...these are her plans for her birthday party.

I'm not DEAD.

 In fact, I'm very much alive on this side of the country. I know, I know....I haven't written. (Thanks Jordan for the nudge and the kick in the shin. Ouchy.)

As it turns out, the east coast winters can be very mild. Can you believe it? The half-inch of snow that was left on the sidewalks have now dissolved and melted into tiny scatters of salt crystals after a long rainfall yesterday. The temperature is mildly in the 40's and I've put away my giant, puffy marshmallow-flavored down ski jacket. At least for now. You're probably thinking, "Why the heck is this crazy woman updating me on the stinkin' climate like a weather woman? Has Miss Lou gone completely mad? I know she must be losing it with all that marshmallow talk."

Though that may be all the cases, I'm maybe trying to distract you or make up a dumb excuse for not keeping this blog up to date. (Besides the fact that my dog ate my laptop. Really, she did. Okay. I know. It's not nice to blame my dog. Again. But wouldn't that be a sight to see? Rectangular shaped belly. Hee, hee. Ho, ho.)

Oh wait...Come back! Don't go! I've just been...daydreaming, okay? I've been...mesmerized by the winter sun and frolicking about outdoors with Veda Bee and friends and ice cream and spying on my neighbors. Okay? You happy now?! NO RECESS FOR ME!!!!

So basically, I'm sorry. I'll try to be better. Promise. But I'm back now. And I'm not dead. Or in prison.

A few weekends ago, I had the fabulous fortunate experience of attending the annual ALA conference held here in my very own city. It took place in this massive, airport-wannabe building with long carpeted hallways, over-sized paintings and most importantly, a Dunkin' Donuts. The talks and events were spread out on several floors, but the important part was in this giant warehouse. (From the floors above, you can get a bird's eye view of the entire floor space. Don't worry, the windows rid any temptation to spit...darn it.) Had it been an airport, the warehouse would probably be the room where the planes would sleep. That's what I was thinking when spitting didn't work. More on airplanes later...

ALA = American Library Association

It may sound like a big snooze fest to you, but with a wee $25, the fancy badge allows you to enter the warehouse thing to meet, greet and drool over famous authors (like Andrew Clements!), shake hands with agents, editors and publishers (like Arthur Levine, who published all the Harry Potter books!) and touch not-yet-published books for 2010. The best, bester, bestest part of the entire event is being able to slip free books into your free totebags...yes, FREE!

Just imagine going to the Scholastic Book Fair at Forest Park. Just imagine Mrs. Gifford handing you a giant canvas tote bag (instead of making you take off your backpacks and big thieving jackets) before entering. Just imagine her saying to you (very kindly), "Take whatever you want, kids. Stop by the refreshment table for some candy, stickers, posters and pens. And don't forget to  shake hands with your favorite author. He's signing books before the exit. Oh, yes. Of course you can have another tote bag. And here, have a free magic elf to carry your bags, do your chores and rub your tired feet." Oh wait.

But yes, the ALA event was so definitely MY idea of Christmas.

What? Who says I'm a nerd?! Not me.

Take care, read lots and write me soon!

Missing you all,
Missing Lou

(You happy now, J? Geesh.)

6 days in...359 to go!

Me: Wake up, Veda Bee! [Zipping up fleece and lacing up running shoes.] You're wasting away these precious days...only 359 days left before 2011.

What goals and transformations do you  have for this year?

VB: Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm sleeping?! [Rolling eyes. Closing eyes.]

Me: Hurry! Hurry! [Jogging in place.] Let's go! We have places to see! People to save! Things to check off! Calories to burn! Trees to plant! Animals to sniff! Money to earn...

VB: Ma...[Yawning loudly.] We have 359 days to think about all that stuff. Your coffee caffeine is really annoying.

[Stretching with butt in air.] Can't you just relax? I need a nap. [Returning to warm spot on bed.]

Me: Nap?! But you haven't even gotten up yet! [Pulling back covers.]

VB: So?

Me: But...

VB: I'm serious, Ma. Give me back my blanket. [Tug-o-war with teeth.] You know I'm not a morning person.

Me: Veda! It's 2010! You've been sleeping since New Year's Eve. I've been up since then...6 days and 6 hours...and counting...

VB: And for what? Working, running, working...blah, blah. Yawn.

Me: I've written 17 novels, watered the garden (and every garden in this city), paid taxes (for the next 3 years), had breakfast, met with the Pope, saved the world and found a gene to cure 67 different types of cancers. And I did this all while you were still sleeping.

VB: Breakfast? Breakfast?! You said breakfast! [Tail wagging, butt wiggling, tongue salivating...] Food glorious food...[Opening mouth and closing eyes.] Feed me, Mama!

Me: Ugh. [Heading to kitchen.]

New New Year's Resolution!

If only we can be as content as Veda Bee, we wouldn't have to write these silly lists year after year. But then again, there are too many things to do, places to visit and goals to accomplish outside of eating, drinking, pooping, peeping, sleeping and playing, ... wait ... hmm ... perhaps the animals have it all right. IS there more to life than all the 6 verbs listed above? Maybe I'd rather be a dog. Zzz... isn't she oh so cute!

Oh no, no...I'm certainly glad I am what I am when (during those rare occasions) I challenge myself, and then work hard at it, and then finally reach it. (Hey! Cleaning belly button lint doesn't count. ew) I almost never pity my role as human when looking forward to a special holiday, or vacation, or getting a good grade on a paper, or finishing a race, or making a new friend, or facing a giant ice cream sundae (mmmmouth watering, rich creamy goodness) ... oh, I love that moment right before my first bite when the heavenly angels hummmmm ... (Stay on topic, Miss Lou! Grumble, grumble). No way, I wouldn't trade my life for all the naps and tofu jerky treats in the world.

But most of all, I appreciate all those other human forms I've met along the way of my teaching years and crazy traveling adventures - including you (and with no sniffing required!)

Here are some helpful hints for another fantabulously, productive New Year:

1. Make a new year's resolution. (Stick to it.)
2. Drink lots of water. (Soda doesn't count.)
3. Run - rain, sleek, snow (ugh), or shine.
4. Write at least a page a day. (Not repeating the same word over and over.)
5. Read a book a week. (Not just the ones my teacher assigns.)
6. Eat healthy. (Marshmallows and Twinkies not included. Darn.)
7. Play less video games. (Especially when I'm procrastinating.)
8. Stress less. (Especially when I wait until the last minute to do something.)
9. Eat more ice cream. (Be generous with the rainbow sprinkles.)
10. Hang out with my friends. (And maybe try something charitable with them.)
11. Don't fall asleep during movies. (Especially when I'm hanging out with my friends.)
12. Do all my homework everyday. (Okay, at least 3x a week. Or when I feeeel like it.)
13. Stop procrastinating. (Clean out my mom's gross kitchen pantry. CHECK! Double ew.)

14. Watch less television and less frivolous YouTube videos. (And less video games, unless it's Wii. Or unless it's really, really funny. Unless I feel like it.)
15. Eat more fruits and vegetables. (See #9)
16. Tell the truth. Stop stealing my brother's things. (And that includes my friend's snacks.)
17. Make at least 5 new friends. Be kind to my friends. (No more "Your mama" jokes.)
19. Appreciate my life, health and all that I have regardless how much I want to complain.
20. Stick to my new year's resolution.

Now your turn. What will you change about yourself this year besides your height and hair color?

More stress? Less stress? Nicer? Adopt a dog? Join a volunteer group? Go to church? Read more? Write your memoir? Reach to the next level for your games? Learn a new language? What?! What?! Look farther...what is it that you WANT or look forward to in life?

My goal: Grow 5 inches, run a marathon (or think about it without dying) and...graduate!

Happy 2010!